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Pretty in Punk...

Feb. 27th, 2008

02:20 am

Hey kids. I just felt the need to check out my old LJ today, and when I read over my entries, I realized two things. I've grown up a ridiculous amount in four years, and I was really annoying. I just thought that I would update this so that people who randomly see my journal don't think I killed myself or something. Though I've been through a lot more in the past four years then I went through while I had this journal, I'm happy.

I guess I should update some facts too.

I'm Coady now. FTM, transgendered. Not too many people know, and I've yet to change my myspace to reflect it. Probably because my family sees it.

I'm attracted to women and transgeners, intersexed, GQ, all that stuff... pretty much anything but men with penises that identify as men. Three big changes already, wow.

I stopped cutting last year, after going through two years where I did hard drugs, landing me in the hospital because I took a bunch of pain pills, couldn't feel my arms, and decided to cut anyway. I was in ICU for a few days, and then transferred to a mental hospital. I... still say that being an inpatient at CCBH was both the best and worst experience I've ever had. They forced me to come out to my mom, which, while mean, was actually a good thing. I never would have told her before that, and it was a really big issue with me.

I got off drugs, all but weed, but weed doesn't really count anyway.

I got expelled from school for drugs. Which sucks, on the surface, but actually, I don't think I ever would've gotten clean while in school. I knew way too many drug dealers and druggies to get sober. So. I'm actually glad I was expelled.

I got my GED, passed with an almost perfect score, and got a job at a veterinary clinic, where I do Animal Care. I'm doing interviews with colleges and I'm thinking of going to IADT Chicago. Thinking. I want to move forward, get more from my life, and I think I can do it.

I moved out. I now live with Royce and Alex(cutest gay couple EVER) and Kate (new mom). Best room mates a person could ask for. We're a really tight-knit family, and I can honestly say that I know they've got my back, no matter what. It's nice to have someone that CHOOSES to be there for you no matter what, and I have three. Amazing.

I've had my share of girlfriends, and let me tell you, I'm not really interested in dating these days. Relationships are complicated, and I always get disappointed, so. I've decided that I don't want a relationship. If someone comes along and something happens, they prove themselves to me... cool. I won't stop that from happening. But no way in hell am I shopping for a relationship. They're crazy.

I guess anything else you might want to know is here. Add me. =]

Jun. 19th, 2005

07:54 pm

so, my sister just got in a car accident and called my dad on her cellphone freaking out.... tenns don't need cellphones? pfffshhh. Anybody behind the wheel, ESPECIALLY teenagers... needs a cellphone. enough said. at least even a cell without a plan... you can call 911 from any cellphone, service or no service. Now, time for me to sit around waiting nervously since my dad refused to take me.

Mar. 22nd, 2005

06:23 pm

no, I am not dead. Thanks to MR. Kicksomething, I remembered I need to update this damn thing or people might start to think I'm dead. mhm. yea. OH. update on the Amp/Hawk thing. Hawk moved to like California because his parents finally got fed up with him being a "faggot" with Amp. damn fuckwadds. GR. the cutest couple eva is now a long distance one. um. I had a mental/emotional breakdown and I had to go to counciling 2x a day everyday. and it was no fun. supposedly I'm better... bullshit. yea. I dunno what to write... so...IM me if you're curious. melisntmyname.

Dec. 19th, 2004

01:17 pm

um... blah.

Dec. 13th, 2004

05:22 pm

I like this dude... and yea. I'm gonna get pics with him sometime... and I'll post em. but I doubt he'll ever like me so... merr. I can dream. and I guess it's good to have a little bit of hope in my shithole life. but something good has happened, believe it or not. I got a The Used hoodie and I heart it. it's warm and soft and big and... it's The Used. so yesh I love it... and my hands are cold and typing hurts so... I'm out...

Dec. 10th, 2004

05:47 pm

I'm lonely... but that's nothing new...

Sep. 16th, 2004

07:49 pm

Bleeding

Stop bleeding said the knife.
I would if I could said the cut.
Stop bleeding you make me messy with this blood.
I'm sorry said the cut.
Stop or I will sink in farther said the knife.
Don't said the cut.
The knife did not say it couldn't help it but
it sank in farther.
If only you didn't bleed said the knife I wouldn't
have to do this.
I know said the cut I bleed too easily I hate
that I can't help it I wish I were a knife like
you and didn't have to bleed.
Well meanwhile stop bleeding will you said the knife.
Yes you are a mess and sinking in deeper said the cut I
will have to stop.
Have you stopped by now said the knife.
I've almost stopped I think.
Why must you bleed in the first place said the knife.
For the same reason maybe that you must do what you
must do said the cut.
I can't stand bleeding said the knife and sank in farther.
I hate it too said the cut I know it isn't you it's
me you're lucky to be a knife you ought to be glad about that.
Too many cuts around said the knife they're
messy I don't know how they stand themselves.
They don't said the cut.
You're bleeding again.
No I've stopped said the cut see you are coming out now the
blood is drying it will rub off you'll be shiny again and clean.
If only cuts wouldn't bleed so much said the knife coming
out a little.
But then knives might become dull said the cut.
Aren't you still bleeding a little said the knife.
I hope not said the cut.
I feel you are just a little.
Maybe just a little but I can stop now.
I feel a little wetness still said the knife sinking in a
little but then coming out a little.
Just a little maybe just enough said the cut.
That's enough now stop now do you feel better now said the knife.
I feel I have to bleed to feel I think said the cut.
I don't I don't have to feek said the knife drying now
becoming shiny.
~May Swenson

Aug. 17th, 2004

08:02 pm

I had a HUGE breakdown today. I just couldn't take it. I cried and I... cut. bad. and... I kinda just need to be held but there's nobody to hold me. I know people care about me, but none of those ppl are HERE. I feel so fucking alone. My chest hurts and I just wanna die. I'm such an emo bitch. I screwed up A LOT today too. it started off wel, me and Jamie are all flirty and stuff. I lurve Jamie so much. but... then I screwed up. and then I had my breakdown. and it was really painful, I just cried a lot. I still am crying. life sucks. woo. party time. heh.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Smile Empty Soul- With This Knife